First off, you probably shouldn’t have been fucking in the front seat of a car in a lit and well trafficked driveway. So, really, this whole thing wasn’t my fault. But I’m sorry for my part in making it even more awkward.
Here’s what happened: The other night I was taking down the trash to the dumpster outside my apartment. I saw you, dude, sitting in the passenger seat of a parked and running car. Nothing strange about that, of course. But then I see the back of someone’s head bouncing up and down and — Christ, you’re fucking someone in an alley.
It was too late to go back inside. I had already made eye contact with you. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to turn around — it was cold and I had chores to do and you’re fucking someone in an alley.
When I moved here my friend Mandy warned that Seattle people love being naked. And I’m fine with that. But it’s a bit of a shock having seen three different neighbors parading naked in front of their open windows. Oh, and the couple having sex in front of an open window clearly visible from my other friend’s patio and to anyone else living above the third story in that giant building a just few yards away.
Let me be clear: Really, I’m happy for you two. Yay, sex! Yay, naughty bits! I’m glad that the two of you were engaged in a vigorous act of consensual pole vaulting. But I didn’t need to look up from the garbage bin to see your cowgirl friend making eye contact with me. Jesus. It was already awkward enough. And I didn’t know what else to do except give her a thumbs up.
Yeah, for that I’m sorry. I didn’t make it any better. But at least cowgirl laughed.
So, again, I feel bad for my part in making this even more awkward. But, really, in an alley?
And thanks a lot for making me feel some dread after going back up to the apartment and realizing there was another bag of garbage to take down.